Amy Poem by johannes lewinsky

The deal is this
You sing your life
You give your life
Which is everybody's life
To every other life
You sing your life
And you make of yourself
Acommodity

That we may judge

that we may revel
In our own
Guilt or virtue
You have sung your life
And made of your life
A saga


And in all of this
the only rule is
that you never stop from being
what you are and what it is
that we all first loved in you

which in you was chaos
the anguished howl
of a vixen on heat a tramp
a whine and that was apt

for it was and a whinge impassioned
having it back at a world didn't seem
to want to cohere quite ever quite
as you had hoped it might

which is not unusual but is usually retained
for the blog the diary the facebook wall and not
for the Wembley stadium
or the Albert Hall

and how you cried
for what was tried and gone
how you wept
when it all that you'd tried
shattered in shards
how you drank and
how you couldn't didn't wouldn't ever quite
forget quite
as you wanted to forget

so that as each day started up
there it still was
mummy and daddy and rick & dave and blake
or whoever else it was who made it
in spite of themselves and you
the selfsame hell it had become
to be alive being you

and yet you transfused it used
the world and all that had entered
you and used you
used your elegance intelligence
up until there was

only the damaged
you the little the longing
not to have to be used anymore
you that needed
out until




you became yourself the one that used and proved
you could be as ruthless and indifferent
harsh as any

yours the prerogative
yours the right
to prove you were not
going to be owned
by any yours

the right to throw it all back
the glitz the glamour and prove
that none of it mattered if you couldn't
have the one thing you couldn't

which was love a haven love
the dream that all of us
have and mostare forced
to relinquish but which

you wouldn't couldn't
because it was all that you had
to cling to amidst
the insidious collapse
of your life your talent it was
if not attainable yet still
your constant muse