Apology In The Form Of...Writing? Thing? Pride! Agh! Poem by Desiree Whitamore

you know that little quote?
'and all she ever wanted was for him to care'?
yeah. that one.
i guess that applies to us here.

so this is rock bottom
this is the deliciously satisfying pain
this is that gut wrenching feeling
that nothing can be the same.

what would you recommend?
that i fail, give up, and call the time
i know you've got this specialty
of messing with my mind

but see everytime you call me
and i hear you're soothing tones
i just want to hear 'i love you'
and know its not just the phone

so i know its not the connection
and that i won't have this stupid fear
that when you said get out
you didnt mean of here.

this isn't about just him
i know i hurt you too.
i know i meant those words
but i didnt mean to you.

i meant to tell HIM
i meant to copy and paste
but because with you i get so angry
the words came out in haste.

and god if i wasnt so stubborn
or didnt have this pride
i'd give you a hug instantly
and allow myself to cry.

because with you i can
i can pour myself out
not like with him
where i have to push it down.

and this goes back to you knew.
you knew hed tear me up
you always knew he'd hurt me
and not give me his love.

and now you have to see
that you are all i have
you can't die on me
or kill yourself at that.