As You Are My God Comments

This poem is all over the place, but I like it! It's much better than what I wrote when I was 16... I like the image of the tears 'feathering' down a cheek- that's an unusual description, which is good! I also like the lines 'she used to wear ribbons' through 'now he holds her hand, ' but i wonder about the timeline. If i am understanding correctly (which might not be the case) the speaker is talking about her father, and how, perhaps, he was reckless and drank before she was born, and then she was everything to him. and then, as daughters tend to do, she grows up, and trades ribbons for cell phones. i feel like you should maybe reverse the order and mention the dad first, and then the daughter? the 'let's fly away together' has been over done, and it takes away from the originality (i can't spell... sorry) of the rest of the poem. i am confused after this, the lines do not seem to connect to one another, and i don't understand what you mean by 'nothing meant so more' do you mean nothing meant so much? do the 'i' and the 'she' in this poem refer to the same person? really after the part about the father holding a beer and then her hand, the poem becomes ordinary to me. i feel like it could end, 'now he holds her hand/ i must stay/she is still a child/by all means he is still her father.' (or if you switched the order of things, - 'he used to hold a beer/ now he holds her hand/ she used to wear ribbons/ now she holds a cell phone/ i must stay/ she is still a child/...same as above....) overall you have a very good sense of what poetry should sound like! keep revising this poem- it has great potential! DONT stop writing! ! !