Bank Robbing To Pay Off The Bank (A Riff) - Poem by David McLansky
The day he robbed our local bank
I was feeling in fine mettle;
'Don't push that hidden button, Frank,
Don't step on that foot pedal.'
'All I want is money, '
He said brandishing his gun,
I behind my huge oak desk,
I did not duck or run.
'Would you like to take out a loan,
Mortgage rates are low, '
A teller was heard to faint and groan,
He waved his shot gun slow.
‘Perhaps you need a new car loan,
A hybrid's good on gas,
A Chevy Volt, its dash two tone;
Sit down, let's do the math.'
He laid the shot gun gently down
Upon my cluttered desk,
He had a band of shot gun shells
Criss-crossed across his chest.
'Or do you want to go to Vegas
And blow off some pent up steam;
Or to take the kids to Disney World,
Every family's dream? '
'The truth is I'm behind on bills
I have huge consumer debt,
I don't know how to pay it off, '
And here the gunman wept;
'And the interests rates are killing me,
It's twenty-five percent;
Our home is in foreclosure
And we pay the bank npw rent.
Do you know how much I owe? '
He said with some concern,
'My 3 kids have college loans,
They can't finish out the term.'
I got Sue Orman on the phone
And explained his situation,
'I'm working 3 at Burger King, '
He cried in desperation.
Susie asked to talk to him,
'This is really not your fault;
Pick up your gun, put on your mask,
How much is in the vault? '
And so the debtor robbed the bank,
He broke the institution,
'But not to worry, ' said V.P. Frank
'He made full restitution.'
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