Between Happiness And Lost Poem by Andrus Cassian

For the moment, only this moment, my life is a song
a happy ever after ballad, a movie like beginning
I've actually written my own piece of music
gaining ground in this poetic foot race
I call my career I started young
someone I once called brother resurrected
from the ashes of my past and is back in my life once again
My love life is a sunset hanging over the ocean
beautiful, calm, serene; a sight that maybe only I can adore
I should be happy, I should be jumping for joy
and on the surface, maybe I am
Did I forget...that I don't know what those emotions are...
Anymore...
It's no surprise I feel something's missing
I've been lost in a waterfall for so long
like dominoes falls the stack of my problems, yet I'm without any
so why do I feel like in the midst of all my success
I'm still this lonely loser somehow
I guess the more I pursue the right things
I realize it's not for my sake, it's the sake of others
to not worry about me, to say I'm doing just fine
when in the end it's me being let down and pushed around
without even bullies doing the pushing
My tear ducts are the Sahara, dry and lion populated
or would you prefer tigers?
I'm unable to find a quiet place to run and be alone
there's always someone around to break my silence
with a word
Where did this gap appear first
this crevice between happiness and lost
floating in the open ocean of my own sadness
What on earth do I miss
who on earth am I missing
like I need an elaborate rouse, charade to fooling myself
when I know all too well the lies I portray
a mime with real words