Brittle Life Poem by Joshua Hillard

Life is not a friend,
It only makes me miserable,
I want out so badly,
But I just cannot let go,

Wish I was strong like others,
A heart of steel with no emotion,
To watch people live their life,
While I stand back and live their notion,

People do forgive,
In my heart I am thankful,
It allows restoration,
But to me it's painful,

I can see what you say,
Hear each word you speak,
But deep down in my heart,
It's suffering as it's weak,

I can feel the pain,
When you guys cry,
It shows me a vision,
Of life when you die,

It is a regretful pain,
Wishing I can help,
But I cannot help you,
If I cannot help myself,

The next time you fight,
The next heart to break,
With no God in my soul,
I'll still manage to pray,

For when you do,
Take a look at me,
You see my pain through my eyes,
Unknowing I want to leave,

I can find no purpose,
Only a mistake in God's flaw,
And for that I slowly kill myself,
But I will never forget you all.