Call My Bluff? Poem by Christina Kosemund

I don't know what to think
I don't know where to go
I don't know which to drink
Though I hear the river's flow

Am I at the bottom now
Or am I at the top?
I don't even know what to write
But somehow I can't stop.

What to do?
What to say?
I feel like I
Can never pay

The debt I owe
To you is too great
You're the opposite of me
Practically a saint

I can never match up
I can never compare
All I can do
Is sit here and stare

Stare at the ground
Stare at the sky
No matter where I look
I still seem to meet your eyes

What I see there is perfect
And bitter and torn
Sometimes you're fantastic
Sometimes you're forlorn

And yet I still love you
Still pay the price
My love for you dear
Has put me in ice

Can I break free?
Am I even trapped?
Do you love me?
My heart has to ask

This ice over me
Is breaking my heart
Will I break free
Or have I played my part?

That one day of gladness
Is it really enough?
I'm full of sadness
Call my bluff?