Carrier Pigeon Without A Note Poem by Jan Freundschuh

What is the saddest thought?

That I can't remember my purpose here.

How we long to be carried along
On a flood of certainty and
Passion:
'This is why I'm here…..'
'It is this I must bring…..'
'This, my gift to deliver…..'
'I'm the faithful messenger
Getting though the war-zone….'

But if our hands are empty? .......

Where is the note fastened to my leg,
As I fly……homing pigeon……
My message from God……

* * *

The world is so large
If I inhale it, I will be poisoned,
So filters are required.

Then where does that leave me?

Cocooned, careful not to breath in.

* * *

How we long to have meaning,
To give meaning,
To be meaningful.

Nature's imperative is
Commanding…….but short-lived;
I've contributed my offspring,
I've moved some paper around,
Even moved some earth around
But that ain't it.
No, that ain't it.

Yes, I've done some good deeds
But we don't do a ‘deed'
Every hour.
I'm searching for the in-between
-Between such opportunities—
A 'raison d'etre',
And the ones that I've found
Are but band-aids
To this need.

This poem needs an ending
This complaint demands some comfort.
I'm closing my eyes
And groping deep within.
I'm rejecting the usual suspects:
-Not yours to know-
-Man not meant for these mysteries-

Aaaaaahh……………
Maybe I'm remembering:

Discomfort serves to herd us!
Towards contemplating the ‘reality'
Of all we see and feel......

Until the habit of Witnessing
Becomes deeply entrenched
And finally the discomfort
Gives one last shove,
And we step onto the platform
We ourselves have constructed
Like a spider creating thread
Out of its very own belly.

Dissatisfaction drives us
Onto the platform of the Witness,
Stepping into the wings of the stage,
Remembering the Play we are in.

Shakespeare told us plainly
And while we applaud his genius,
We assume he was just joking:

'All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.'

So my sense of purposelessness
Is the hint I carry in my pocket
To remind me I'm not really 'real',
And all the world's a farce.

I believe this…..
(Just don't feel it…..)
When my platform's finally
Built,
I plan to notice it,
And step onto it.

If that works, and I feel peace,
I'll be sure to let you know.