Catching A Chicken Thief Poem by Della Hodgson James

A big polecat came visiting 
Our chicken coop one night,  
But to awaken my husband from sleep
Usually meant a tongue fight.
For he snores like a fog horn
On a locomotive that's stuck,  
It takes me, all the kids, and our dogs,  
To wake him up.

Dogs barking, a hen squacking,  
The little chicks, what a chatter!  
We finally got the boss awake
To go see what was the matter.

After a few shakes, he groaned u-mn!  
Then exclaimed, "What? What? Oh, H-! "
He must of thought the house on fire
For he rushed right out-spell mell.

He was gone for some time
He had called back no information,  
I was getting pretty curious
As the kids were awake, Great Nation!

I lit the lamp on the mantel shelf
As the hour of the night was late,  
I charged the eldest to keep the kids 
While I went to investigate.

Half clad I too, then started out
To try to find out the trouble,  
I met my husband coming back
Bent over sort'er double.

I ask him what was wrong
He said, "If it was news,  
He was down there in his shirt tail 
Starting back to get his shoes."

I ask him if he found anything?  
He said, if I could smell,  
To keep going a little ways
And I very soon could tell."

Not understanding I started on
Till I got a whiff, and presumed,  
It was what my hubby had oft spoke about
High ranking polecat perfume.

Then I knew what the whole disturbance was
And understood of course,  
I called to the dogs, Then whooped and yelled
Till I was almost hoarse.

I heard the dogs in our cow lot
I climbed over the fence and found,  
That one of our poor old dogs
Was wallowing on the ground.

I couldn't see good enough to tell
The moonlight was quite dim,  
Whether our dog had something down
Or something had him.

I yelled for hubby to hurry up
To come right on, and quick!  
I thought our poor old Hunter dog
Was acting kind of sick.

Hubby yelled, "To stay away from them
Till he could find a stick." 
If I didn't he said, "I'd think 
I'd been mixing with Old Nick.

But I wasn't afraid of Nicks just then
I thought it was a lark,  
I climbed over another fence
Onto a rock dump, and, Hark!

I saw something there, black and white
And started throwing rocks,  
I must of throwed a dozen or more
When hubby called a stop.

He had joined me again by then
But wasn't much help, my soul!  
He'd been hunting all that time
Trying to find a pole.

The object, was at the foot of a stump
Obscured, by some withered sprouts,  
I thought I'd killed the pesky thing
So I might as well find out.

I climbed down the dump to see
I stooped, and then, Ka-whack!  
I gave a gargling gasp for breath
And went stumpling, staggering back.

I hear a muffled titter
Then a louder, "Tee! Hee! Hee! " 
Hubby exclaimed, "That this time
The joke was on me."

I got hold of the fence to brace myself
Then I let the teardrops fly,  
It wasn't just my neck and face
But also in my eyes.

But Nicks or no Nicks, I'm telling you
We caught that chicken thief,  
If you don't think it just that way
Then you just ask the Chief.

For my Hubby and all the kiddies
Just laughed until they cried,  
But I was so soberly thinking how
Very nearly I must of died.

I went back to the house in tears
Where I scrubbed my self for an hour,  
The kids were all still laughing, Ha!  
But I was pretty down, and sour.

I scrubbed, and then I would scrub some more
Till my neck and face naer bled,  
I couldn't get that rank smell off
So thought I might as well go to bed.

Our baby, Mackie, was still asleep
He'd slept through the whole commotion,  
I thought if I eased myself in, quiet
He'd not notice my queer lotion.

Laying there so peaceful, on his little tummy
He turned his tiny head away,  
His baby lips puckered, gave a sigh!  
He don't like perfume, to this day.

* * * * * * *

Written in spring -1931.