Color Poem by Justin Reinalda

I just want something to mean something to me
This gray aura is everywhere - it's all I see
I know there has to be something still pumping my blood
But I haven't felt it in forever, I'm stuck in the mud
Everything in life seems to be a distraction
And I'm missing out on years - due to inaction
I guess I find more purpose in people than I'd like to admit
But I've been burned so many times I just want to quit
I'd rather be alone than do the wrong thing
Be half the man I was, plus the baggage I'd bring
I'm spinning my wheels, I feel defeated
Help is not wanted, but I guess maybe it's needed
My heart hasn't skipped a beat in so long
And every night home alone just feels so wrong
I finally found something I'm truly afraid of
Growing old alone, the absence of love
I don't want it to be what fixes me
But it would add some color to everything I see