Confessions-(Look At Me) Poem by Debbie Fadoju

he is like the heaven to my hell
the smile upon my face
and sadly with each and every definite trace of the contours of his eyes
and the plumpness of his lips
i regret falling in love with him
he is amazing and unbelievably in love with me
yet i fear the fact that it may happen
that we may be pefect for each other
that he may be the one
i fear the fact that we may fall out of love

look at me
stressin over a man
who probly aint stressin over me
in fact when i was just an option he was my priority
and i hate the fact that i cannont resist to think about him
day in and day out
and i hate the fact that
he is the best thing that has ever happned to me
the only thing that keeps my heart
beating
my lungs breathing
he is the source of my happiness
other than God
he is the only other of another
i can i say i love

look at me
confused derailed
attempted but failed
in my efforts
to forget and regret the man that had complete control over me
but never abused it never even used it
that had me surrendering plundering and splendoring in his ways
in his so luminescent smile
in his errgescent ways
and i still cant compalin
i strive.. i comply i try to forget this man
for chances are he has forgooten me

i dont know why im gettin caught why im getting sprung
over this one

i have convinced- no i havent
i have not convinced my self
nor weened myself
nor screened myself... nor cleaned my self of his smell
of his essence of his mark
hes their
heavy and dark
and i want to let him go... i desire to be rid of him
but i can't
it is absolutely impossible
to forget the fact that he has held me through the rain
took me through my pain
from tear to cry.. from smile to laugh
morning to night shower to bath

hes been there
inflicting never constricting silent pain
and again and again
i still love him
he never intentionally means to hurt me
bt unmentionably he never fails to stop

my heart flows to the rhythm of his mind
my feet walk on the path of his smile
my mind is entertwined with his

i hate it
but i love it
its like no matter how much i could aspire, or desire, or long for lust for, die for or cry for him... it'll never be enough

its worst then drugs
because
you can call drugs and addiction
call out a subscription
to patches of nictonie
and soon enough you'll be clean
but with him
its like when you call it an addiction
he takes as a depiction of
his greatness.. like hes on top of the world.. on top of the word... on top of me
and i do not want him to be

big headed arrogent cocky
stuck up snobby
i do not want him to think because i am
quote unquote in love with him
he has won

ive been in lust before.. a thousand times and a thousand times more
ive been lusting and busting yelling combusting over love.. but now i've deeply fallen in love and it has broken me into a thousand piecies that cannot seem to fit back together
and at times i dont want to be fixed.. dont want hy heart to get clicked back to whole.
and other itmes thats the only thing in my prayers...

he has taken over.. my mind my body and my soul
he is in complete control
and he doesnt even know

look at me