Dear Departed Poem by Kiy Anu

It's harder and harder for me to survive
Everyday I wonder, why am I alive?
Why am I here, when she is not?
Why do I live, while I let her rot?
It's not fair that I get to live when you are gone
It's not fair that you died, while I have won
Everything that happened, it was all my fault
Everyday you've been gone, I've put my feeling in a vault
If I had but one wish, Id wish you were back
I'd wish to relive all the time that you now lack
If only I weren't so damn dumb
If only I weren't a baby, sucking their thumb
I never meant you to get hurt, didn't want you to die
These things that I say are not a big lie
If I could die to help you again live
I would die a hundred times, and to you all that life I would give
But I can't, it's impossible and not at all allowed
But I'd make a deal with the devil just to watch you stand proud
I can't erase what I did, no matter how much I want
I can't add life back into those eyes, oh so gaunt
I can't even decide if I should keep living or die
Anything I come up with sounds oh so dry
If I leave this world it would seem unfair to you
Because you didn't get to grow up, even though you wanted to
But if I keep on living then it is not fair
I took your life, a life oh so rare
Sometimes I wish that I would just get shot
But even then, it wouldn't be worth a lot
I don't want to stay in this world anymore
I keep blaming myself, then hating me for not blaming more
I can't keep doing this, but I can't go away
Everything has a price and I guess this is my price to pay