Death Of A Terrier Poem by diane allen

a terrier died this morning. a dreary cold and windy morning. wet from all of the rains yesterday.

how does one keep a still mind?

buried at 10: 15. The sun is now shining. i see it through my tears. it doesn't last long, the sun, as clouds, come and go. only my tears remain constant. how to survive the guilt? my impatience with him when... oh there is no excuse. no forgiveness to come.

how does one keep negativity out?

it's end of april. still spring. a time of renewal not death. no. no. no. but death came. and spring continues on growing, changing, blooming. i had looked forward to seeds sprouting, plants growing and thriving and all of the promises a new spring brings. my heart is as heavy as the soil i put on harry's grave.

how does one be non judgmental?

he was such a happy little boy. all 17 lbs. of him despite the loss of his left front leg. always ready to play. he'd go to his toy box and bring me a toy. if i ignored him he'd dropp it then nudge it towards me with his nose. who could resist?

the wind is blowing hard as my heart is breaking. the sun is shining again, comming out from the clouds. it is not shining for me. another worst day of my life.

be the water not the rock.

he had heart, lots and lots of heart, he had spunk. he had focus and would not relinquish that focus. he was oh so stubborn. maddeningly stubborn. never ending energy. he was always happy. always.

ok little boo dog. ok ok. damn you are such a pain in my butt. ok. boo berry, boops, happy harry, handsome harry boy. can ya howl? arrrrrrooooooo. arrrrrrrooooooo. you howled for joy. i'm howling in pain and...?

you are my sunshine... i could have loved you better...
didn't mean to be unkind... you were always on my mind, except for this day.

the worldy dakini has fled. ny vanity plates: dakini. she fled to the souless barren south. was she wrathful or divine? no. neither. she was a coward. today she learned that she was not a skygoer. earthbound her wings clipped forever.

not so the chihuahua. his needs needed to be attended to. dutifully i marched him out. correction. he marched me out. i let him dilly and dally. he knew what i did not. mission bound. he sought out each mark of the terrier. i let him lead me. at every terrier's stop his nose twitched as he sniffed. then he marked over the terriers territory. in earnest he scraped the earth with his paws. soil and grass flew in all directions. it was now his and his lost nemesis.

not as a victor but rather: don't mess with my pal. he dawdled and sniffed. the grass and soil continued to fly. he did his duty. the terrier still ruled.

i asked the chihuahua where's the toy? ? where is your toy? not out of disrespect or lack of grief but rather the simple reduction to the fact that life goes on. harry's legacy. he taught the chi how to fetch and play. as the chi before him taught harry how to play.

i furiously dug through the pine tree roots, the oak roots, the sickly grey, then yellow, then brick colored clay. i dug into the bowels of the unwieldy earth. an earth unwilling to accept that which i was reluctant to relinquish. i cursed this southern soil. i cursed everything as the digging continued.

i could hear the chihuahua scratching at the door. he wanted out. i wanted to crawl into the hole. tears dripping into the clay did not make it more friable. unrelenting earth. damn you.5