Depression Poem by Lisa Brewer

The floor under me is steady in the beginning
Happy at five years of age, and healthy
Can laugh at anything, so care free - so unaware that my life was going to get worse,
Set up with so many expectactions by my parents.
So as i stand on that floor, my parents start to pile books on top of me
Little things like, being the perfect lady, manners, good grades, little things for my age, and I try my best to make them proud
And as my years passed, the books got heavier
Things start to pile up, like a book on life, responsibility, what's expected of me
Now I'm in high school with almost straight A's and they don't even care
They don't notice! It's already expected of me to bring home A's
So I stop caring about them as well
People ask why I'm not happy, I just got all my work back with all A's and I don't care or notice
I just stuff it all in the recycle bin, and comment on how it's a waste of paper. They wouldn't understand
So life goes on or that's how it seems from the outside, but as life books keep pilling up, the stress and the pressure do as well
Oh yes, the PRESSURE
the pressure to be the best, to be more responsible, to grow up faster so that i can add more books on responsibility to my bookbag
The pressure to take care of my little sister
to make up for the disappointment my older siblings are
To care all this weight and still be happy
Impossible
So as depression pulls me down farther, my cracks, all my fake smiles, all my silent tears begin to show
Now my friends begin to see the cracks in me, and I begin to see the cracks in the floor that I stand on
The pressure is just too much, i stop being my self
Often alone, cry alone, play alone, and my parents aren't helping
They want me to be perfect, to be social, so this won't do
They start to want more from me
But how much more can I give? !
Then it happens........
The stress, the pressure is just too much...so...
the floor breaks from underneath me
and I fall
But I'm not dead, no that's not the case, it's not that easy
I fall into an ocean, and I don't drown like I want to, I just stay aflout
So my true colors start to show, I dye my hair darker, listen to music that are sad, I distance myself from my fiends, I'm scaring my parents, I'm scaring my friends, and the funny thing about flouting like this is that
I am at a point were.... I don't care
This is the amazing part of flouting, you don't care that your parents don't like your behavior and that thay are disappointed
So as I'm aflout, things get worse
I growing tired of not drowning
I want to let my soul be released, and flout to heaven where there is no pressure, no stress of life
To feel free of the haunting future my parents have set up for me based on there expectations
I don't want it, and the pain of staying on earth it becoming more prononced
So all I do now is dream of sinking, to finally have peace wash over me
So I wait, but I don't know how much longer I can keep aflout