Diary Entry; Ageing Pollyanna Poem by Arthur H Rowley

This body, in whatever state I've found it
deserves to be known
to be loved entirely and without negotiation

days pass where I am left untouched by anyone
even the warm hold of friendship loses sight of me
and though that love has been a gift
it is a shirt I have worn for too long
and if I am to speak of friends
I must speak of how I am the prude
the creature in wraps
unable to leave my house
unable to look you in the eye
I think you may be jealous
of how detached I can become

I risked my family when I believed I could control it
now, I let it grow around me instead
I am free to move
and they are thriving
but their roots are not attached to me as they once were
awareness of this is the first step to a solution
and that will do for now

I need someone to share my secrets with
like the drugs
and her abortion
and what I found in that drawer
and that thing I never said

in another world
this place is calm and quiet
and I can sleep
and there are still days when bad things happen to good people
but on the days when things are warm and kind
cruelty and proprietary blunder
and I believe all the things I have been told about good and evil
at last
when heaven and hell are here in equal measure
I will be sweet and loved once again.