Disappointed Poem by Renee Maritz
Disappointed
You're an embarrassment
You're a Joke
You've fallen far my friend
This is where our friendship ends
I was there for you, but you abused
I tried talking to you, but you wouldn't listen
I protected you and yes you were amused
This is the end my friend - again I will not get bitten, from this disaster I have risen
Maybe one day you will change for the better…
It's a shame I won't be there to see it, but just maybe you will write me a short letter
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
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4/23/2024 10:30:13 PM # 1.0.0.1119
The story is there. Some hurt comes through but I think more power could be drawn with some re-drafting. I always think that poems are sacrosanct. That is it! Who is the reader to quarrel. Yet are we not comparing notes, writing, publishing - true... but what about the critique. Why not set out to write the poem.... five times. Leave this version totally unchanged but make the other live too. The feel throughout is not so much anger as revenge - the punishment will be dismissal. So the reaction of the sufferer is less intense than it might be. First stanza alternative - forgive me for daring... read on: You embarrassed me, Hurt me, Betrayed me Thus are you fallen My fallen angel Turned devil with scaled wings How I love you Could hate you But I do not hate you... Much.. But our friendship ends. Here Now Farewell. Let me have another shot at it... Our friendship is ended Turned joke Become embarrassment You have gone, fallen, departed And I shut you OUT! See what I mean...
Thanks :) that was amazing! I will try it next time