Don'T Tell Nobody Poem by Josiah Bayne

It was dark that night, as all before,
The colour of gravestones, the ghetto and poor,
When Uncle Johnny got drunk and proceeded to explore
The innocent depths of little Sasha until her soul was sore.
 
He whispered words that rained like blows
Drawing blood from tears and renting clothes
Pelting screams so real it rivals Bose
When the neighbours hear, their windows close,
And she knows
That momma knows
And she's certain
That her brother knows
What scared feels like from head to toes
‘Cause he's right there on the bunk beneath
All four years shaking from toes to teeth
Trying to block out screams that will forever sound
Remarkably like the last bits of life, winding down…
 
We have her believing there is no hope
That she'd better start now learning to cope
With the unfortunate but simple fact
That life takes everything, but rarely gives back.
So she fast-forwarded her childhood years,
Hoping to get past at least half of the recurring fears
That plays behind her eyes at night.
Visions of a pitch black paradise
Of lies and confusion
Purple bruises, blood transfusions,
Skin contusions
All my version of your illusion
Hidden behind layers of foundation
And smiles of disgrace
While you try in vain make sense of
The confusion on my face.
 
She has bruises on her skin
That reminds her of him
And she tries with too much scrubbing
To erase that violent morning
When he painted her future of dreaming
Dark as all those before him
Like the shadows now lurking behind her eyes
The colour of sore and hurting.
 
Don't tell nobody,
Don't you dare tell a soul
Don't, don't tell nobody now,
That's our little secret to hold,
See, no one's going to understand
How I feel for you girl,
I'm just showing you what you need
To survive out there in this world.
 
And so, Sasha wept in silence,
Many moons would come and go
Before she would start to feel again,
The endless nights filled with hurt and pain,
Before she'd learn to control
The rage, and restructure her sorrow,
Give back to those fuckers
That keep taking from tomorrow,
Lift her chin and paint a smile
Hoping this time she won't cry
That today, maybe, she'd hold it together
But like birds of a feather
Tear drops always flock together
 
And if tears were but grains of sand
By now she'd have herself a beach
No one understands her true pain
None can even try to reach
The epicenter of her internal struggle
The core of the shell she has become
Each day she builds walls without caring
What's walled in and what's walled out.
 
"One moment of peace, " she cries, " Oh, God!
I beg, please, just one moment of peace!
For my tears have left wounds and scars
On every square inch of me."
And if anyone dares to ask me how
I made it alone from then to now
With half my sanity and my heart in the clouds
Remember your sympathy is just a quiet curse loud.
Where rivers of memories that soak through cheeks
Saturated with more hurt than one person should feel
Only serve to reinforce the seal
That allows her to survive life's intensity.
 
And I, feel the need to wipe every drop
Off her cheeks for once in life
I want to make her believe in herself again
And put down that blasted knife
But with strength of will and doom of soul
She closes her eyes and digs a hole
Deep down inside where it hurts the most,
Takes it in the heart with her lips pursed
In a curse of filthy proportions
To her mother for refusing to choose abortion
To all her teachers for not being able to see
That every single day was a challenge to be
Herself… alive…
Just one more breath and then I'm gone
Don't care much if you remember a fragment of my song
That faded into yesterday like a fleeting breeze
Thanking all the stars in the skies for this final release
 
As she lies in a burgundy pool that grows with each spurt
Of pain, love, pity, disgust and self-worth
All tightly wrapped up in a blanket of hurt
Endless eternities much worse than six feet of dirt...