Down Where I Belong Poem by Leslie Xavier

Yesterday I waited there by the dusty road,
noon lashing whips on my scarred body.
My heart shedding tears – of joy and pain,
as my body gets drained – spirits and the water within.
Panting I was with my effort of heart,
juggling a bag, as I struggled to balance on wheels.
Pedaling ain’t easy I found,
under the relentless old summer sun.
With my bag filled with love,
and heart filled with unbound joy;
I reached your doorsteps and I knock,
with nothing but a kid’s smile up front.
Then I hear those words so harsh:
“Not here, stand yonder, by the roadside there.”
I stood as you wished, thirst my constant pal;
and pondered, hurt deep, what wrong did I do?

... Is this where I should be,
low down where I belong.

I sang then, just for you, the birthday verse,
as you cut the cake with a magic knife.
We smiled and laughed and sang again,
later after the gifts unfurled.
But then again a sudden change,
the dawn brought forth a bolt from blue.
I hear a different tone, one so cold,
when I was waiting for a warm morning wish:
“I won’t come to the House of Lord,
so save the treat for some other day.”
The effort of heart it was again,
packets of an edible fruit;
It’s not just about eating and feeding,
it’s about how deep it came from me.
Once again the reminder came,
as I sat depressed behind the priest at work.

... Is this where I should be,
low down where I belong.

My life moves in circles round, a vicious one;
same old story of reality checks,
From a mother, from a friend;
it has even come from within my self.
“You don’t belong here, though you deserve to;
you do have the right, though don’t dare to fight.”
These are the words which echo,
all throughout the spots I’ve been.
Good at heart how long can I remain,
when near ones treat me as a strange delivery boy.
How long can I hold on now,
when the same stakes pierce me all over again.
When you’ve been “nice” the whole of life,
but never got what was deserved.
Then you just move into the dark - a corner,
to brood as the truth comes to light…

… This is where I should be,
low down where I belong.

(The cycle continues, one which takes me back to a place, where it all began, just to start again the journey full of pitfalls… Perhaps it will continue till something “snaps”, but I just can’t define what or when the actual “snapping” would take place)