No Binge Benefits Here Poem by Leslie Xavier

I turned and walked;
left, away from the shade.
Sun burnt my back, walk turned brisk;
towards the only place here,
known to swallow men foreign;
the crowded lanes of yester years.

I was running to hide,
the guilt I saw in my eyes;
when I returned pain for love,
and was told that's what I've always given;
when all she was there for,
was for smiles and tenderness.

I carry this curse with me,
my gifts, the arms I use to kill.
With it I don't fight foes though,
but I hurt people for the love they give.
I want to murder this self now,
just to stop the 'cruel' me.

But I couldn't hide in the narrow lanes,
nor get lost or get killed there;
by angry mobs or a muggers' knife,
guess they are wary of this heartless man.
So I got back to the chores of play,
and planned to drown later in brews of grain.

Three conspired later in the night;
to tango under the Delhi stars.
They sipped spirits flowing from the Danes;
while I gulped down like a man in rush.
I had to drown and kill my 'self';
so I went on a rage, the bottoms-up kind.

Scandinavia, sexy, but she ain't hitting me;
nor did the colours of the 'Turquoise' kind.
I swayed first and made my moves,
matching those of the fair and sweets.
But I couldn't reach the transit point,
to take off on a fancy flight.

An hour after the clock struck twelve,
I was still standing, bad and mean.
More fight was left in me;
I need more time to reach the twilight zone,
when I'd forget all the words I have;
and just sleep, dead to the world.

Binge I couldn't call it yet,
I always had the chin for more.
So I sat with a mad man on wheels;
as he took me on a late-night drive.
We didn't know where to turn;
but I cared less, I had to get lost.

We never slowed, we couldn't stop;
I even asked him to turn to a wall.
He was alive and wanted to live;
so he never obeyed my expert calls.
At last we found the place we searched;
nestled atop a red-carpet tree.

'F', the sign said at the door;
fancy babes and darker lanes.
Couldn't get more than one from there;
I left for 'home' where I'm a guest.
Binge benefits I was deprived today;
how will I sleep with all this guilt.