Dying Poem by Charlotte Ballard

I don't want you to die,
That's what God said to me.

I am so bored and angered with my life
I am and I see no way that my life will
Get better anytime soon. Yet, I don't want
To die and I don't want to live-
I don't want to live-
The way it's been, I don't know
What I want and what I want - I can't reach
I want to do something, something good.

I want to be more than I am right now.
I don't even have an offering to give to God.
Yet it always seems that when I give
I get back 10 times what I gave- I wish
I could give, yet I know that is true, but it's hard
To release and it slips out of
My hands. Out of my tight, tight hands,
the harder I hold,
The more it goes.