East Lansing Poem by SS K

I get the feeling that this city hates me.
I really do.
With every turn, there's a new obstacle, like it distorts itself to best put a thorn in my side. Like it knows my tendencies, and how to play with them. How to taunt me.
How to make me lonely.
How to give me hope for just long enough that I truly think it's there, before ripping it apart like paper, and discarding it.
It feels like this city is laughing at me, smiling as gravity lands me on walls and ceilings--
Vertigo from trying to keep my footing and yet...
falling.

Why are you taking everything from me?
My determination, my willpower.
You ebb at my relationships, my hope, my love for life
you, Lansing, are taking it away.

You reward the hedonistic and disgusting people
Optimize their lives
To them, this is heaven.

But I find myself in a hell.
I walk through hallways of old carpet and fluorescent lights
Of decaying furniture and flooded laundry rooms
Down sidewalks of people with their eyes rolled back
And by bars where everyone melts together into a hideous, pulsating mass.

They live to forget
I struggle to remember
You give them their distractions
I cling on to meaning.

This isn't what I was promised.