English Poems From Pigging Out Poem by Sheena Blackhall

The Vegetarian Drools
Beetroot mousse piquant
Prunes stroganoff, Dutch rarebit
Turnips on horseback, cheese
Spruce needle tarts, how fit!

Shallots a la bonne femme
Vegetable ragout
Dandelion omelette, delight!
Cream cheese fritters and cabbage too!


Washed Ashore
A bag of 54 hands, washed up on Siberian shores
A Lightning fighter aircraft, found on the beaches of Wales
A gigantic tree two hundred feet tall
Giant snowballs… a plethora of whales

A German U-Boat off Hastings
A cannon from the sea
Eight foot Lego men washing up
A copy of E.T.

A robot hand, and fourteen feet
One hundred World War bombs.
The jawbone from an Ichthyosaur
Whale vomit, jellyfish spawns

A 200-foot long oil tanker
Off Liberia was seen
A 580-foot long container ship
And a trolley, off Aberdeen!


Dead to Rights
George Washington decreed he'd to lie 2 days unburied
Shopenhauer ordered he'd be unburied for 5.
Gogol wished to be buried in putrefaction
Chopin chose dissection, not to be entombed alive

Yet it still happens, a diabetic coma
Catalepsy, Lazarus syndrome, or trance
Can mimic the symptoms of death, the final solution
The mediaeval skeletons whirling dance


The Day of Atonement
If only casting my bread upon the waters
Was easy as sloughing off skin from a broken blister
If only casting my bread upon the waters
Could compensate for being a useless mother

If only there were ten commandments to follow in parenthood
Thou shalt never give up on your offspring
Duty is no replacement for unconditional love
Thou shalt rear your children to learn that acts have consequences
Physician heal thyself. Cast not the first stone
People who hurt their children die alone


Odd Things that came in the Post
80,000 bricks
A scorpion
The Hope Diamond
A pet chameleon

Henry Brown, a slave
Two lady suffragettes
$20 dollar bill in plastic
What odd things to get!

A helium filled balloon
A boxful of dead fish
50,000 pink panties
A bike delivered dish

A stamped addressed potato
Live cat. A frying pan
Children, a baby, seaweed
Foot and hand of a man


The Goddess
Bloodthirsty Dee
Each year needs three;
But bonny Don,
She needs none

In the second century AD
Claudius Ptolemy called the river Deva,
Meaning goddess, worshipped by the Celts

Dee was a Druid portal to the otherworld
A Divinity, sacred and life affirming.

Into this Divinity,
Sewage is poured, by 20th Century man.
A Sepa spokeswoman observed
That Aboyne Waste Water Treatment Works
Has an authorisation to discharge to land

Bathers at Banchory found sewage
Pouring into the Dee from the north bank near St Ternan Park
Walkers and bathers saw sanitary towels and nappies on the water.