Eternal Kiss Comments

very settling poem i love it Please take sometime to read some of my poems especially check out everyone turns away... thank you

This poem needs some work. The writer is trying to sound poetic, but goes overboard when trying to speak in a language that is not the poet's own. This is thrown off with the word 'Cause once you hear it'. It makes me wonder, 'Where the heck did the word 'cause' come from? That doesn't fit the tone! ' 'Always in my heart', 'passionate cry', 'no matter what', and many other lines are cliches. This is an overly dramatic unrequited love poem. It is almost as if the poet took many different lines from other poems and juxtaposed, better yet stacked them on top of one another. If I were being critical in a negative way, I would say the lines would cause me to vomit. However, this is constructive criticism. I think the poem needs lots of work. Perhaps, create new metaphors. The concept of the eternal kiss has been extremely overdone. Find a new approach. Create a new twist. Be dynamic or just re-write the poem.