Excommunicated Poem by chad fisher

I fear I have become excommunicated,
By the very ones to whom my heart was dedicated.

I fear I have become a worm in their eyes,
I feel as though they wish for me to self-dehumanize.

I want to show them the way my soul does so feel,
But every time I tried, they thought I was not being real.

They don't want me around any more,
I have apologized, but then again what for?

Does it matter to be sorrowful if the relationships don't revive?
Does it matter to love someone, when you can barely survive?


Of course, these thing do matter, but what perplexes me the most,
Is that I cannot express it the way I want to by the blessed powers of the Holy Ghost,
For I am but a mortal man, who repented to those who scorned me again and again,
And I try to look at my own damaged heart, without focusing on their hatred and sin,
But I cannot look away as I wish that I could,
But I do not look away as I wish that I would,
For my sin is to notice their sin of noticing mine, and not forgiving either them nor me,
Though I wish I could, I want all of us to be blind no more, and to plainly see.

I understand that they have been hurt by my own ill deed,
Yet they fear my apologetic prayer, my remorseful creed,
And they believe me to tell a lie when I tell a true thing,
So I cried for a year, hoping one day I will joyfully sing,
Of a time when reconciliation comes into being,
And we all gather hands, and feel ever so freeing!