Failure Poem by Tarakesh Govardhan

Failure
One word that described me
Wherever I went
Whatever I did
Failure ensued
No matter how hard I tried
It came
No matter how much I did
It came
No matter how much I screamed
It always came
I locked myself
I was a failure after all
Reassuring words spoken just to calm
Never intended
A cut on the soul
Looking at the mirror
Nothing but hate and anger felt
At my hopelessness
At my life

Silence was golden
Away from everything
4 hours of peace a day
Away from life
Away from ever judging eyes
Away from ever insulting words
Just me, and my thoughts
Distraction never felt so good before
But they never stop
The voices in my head
Pulling me down farther and father
Into a never ending pit of darkness
Into its murky depths
Depths that I can't safely Wade through
Depths that will hold me in place
Forever
Till the end of all nights
The voices will continue
Desperate measures are needed after all

Then the time ends
I come out feeling no better than how I did going in
Why is it that i have to suffer this?
Why can nothing that I do, ever work
Success would have been a grander word to replace it
For no matter how much I try
Nothing ever change, does it?

Why should I try?
Why should I give people the enjoyment at laughing at my failures
Living itself is one of my greatest failures
Binding me to this painful plane of existence
Making me suffer

Cold metal fills my palm
The weight feels perfect
One slash is all it would take
One slash to end the pain
One to release me from my bindings
One for me to feel for the first time
One to relish in something finally
One to feel proud of success in attempts
But the one slash weighs heavily
Faces come to the front of my mind
Faces that, as much as they made fun of me
Gave me a reason to stay
As much as they hurt me
Gave me strength to continue
The one light in my darkness
Guiding me through my pain

It's all over now
Nothing to take pride in
Nothing to feel happy about
Nothing to rejoice
Nothing to clear my pain
Nothing to ease my hurt
Nothing
Just like me
There is nothing left
But a weak heart that continues
With hope that is yet to be shattered
A heart that still beats
Because it has to
And never because it wants to