Flush! Poem by Ryan Brodesser

it was the month of february, the 24th to be clear
and all was well with no problem looming near
yet any hope of relaxing was thoroughly blown
for this was the day I fished from the porcelain throne

two AA batteries, poor lost souls drowned, alas
lost in a polished tomb of watery glass
the first was found, and so it’s sorrows ceased
The other, to it’s remorse was still in the belly of the beast

a rescue was dispatched, with hands in waters icy cold
probing deep, into waters, souls truly bold
and while the clear water chilled to the bone
we had to get that AA out of the porcelain throne

a reconnaissance was dispatched, via camera and reel
by crew of two with nerves of steel
down went the line into the aquamarine
while two sets of eyes stared at the tiny screen

by mistake, I made it worse
by flushing I went deeper into it’s hearse
for this horrific loss the blame I take away
for the tear bringing loss of that good AA.

like some deep runner, like 20,000 leagues under the sea
we had gone where only pets were ever meant to be
deeper and deeper we pushed towards our goal
towards the heart of the watery bowl

at last! Victory! we had it in view
deep down in a dark and watery flue
with a heart filling cry nifty and quick
we grabbed with fingers and a chopstick

this friend, is the wrapping of this sad tale
this how we ended such a sad affair
for we reached, and pushed with all our might
with no luck we shamefacedly quit our plight

so ends our story and this fact is true
nothing is more greedy than your common loo
so before you start, listen to to the ongoing hush
and maybe, your hear the sound of the fateful flush.