(force)recipe For Rape

There's a recipe for things like this. When you love too hard, dress too loose, speak the truth and act from your core with no excuses this is what you get. And this is how it happens.

Step 1: Just ignore the statistics. Don't pay attention to the language between the lines, you will never be that 1 in 5. These types of things will not hit home for you.

Step 2: Hand out your trust to everyone you lay eyes on. Especially those who bed their eyes on you.

Step 3: Do not listen to your gut instinct when it tells you to be careful. It's impossible for one to love reclusly and keep a guard up at the same time. Your heart has always been too large for your chest. Clearly its capacity must be captured by others.

Step 4: Remember monsters only exist in fairytales. Not in the crevices of your college campus.

Step 5: Do what you're told. Smile and be polite. Anything else will lead you to distruction.

Step 6: Get comfortable. Life will repeatedly remind you that this is ordinary, this is normal, this is ok.

Step 7: When your best friend introdces you to the man sent out to destroy you, shake his hand and give him all of your attention. Don't focus on the fact that he's been watching you, Don't ask where he came from, assume he's good company.

Step 8: Don't question anything. This is not a conspiracy. This is just you having fun with your friends. You're having fun, right? Do not overthink anything, keep having fun.

Step 9: when he tells you you're pretty say thank you. When he touches your breast on accident apologize for being in his way. When he asks to go up to your room tell him no and make sure you have a good enough reason.

Step 10. There's never a good enough reason. He is going to get what he wants from you even if he has to take it.

Step 11: Realize much later he had a plan the entire time. They both did. That flicker in his eyes was a sign.

Step 12: Put the sock on the door. Take your clothes off, you know how this goes.

Step 13: Close your eyes while he rapes you. Squeeze the significance out of the blanket your mother gave you for Chirstmas by using it to house your silence. Count the beat between his grunts. Feel the roughness of his fingertips on the base of your back as you are bent over for him. (missing stuff)Don't hiss at him when he smacks your ass and claims you as his own. Let him build a home inside of you but don't cause him to want to stay too long.

Step 14: Construct a memory of him as a child. Unsure, unbothered, untainted. This will make him human again.

Step 15: Continue to put others before you. Lie to your friends and say you're ok. Don't, I repeat do not use the word rape.

Step 16: For breakfast the palms of your hands will eat at the counter as your knees knock against the wood underneath while he rapes you again. Face the mirror, but do not look at yourself. Close your eyes, be ashamed. You are supposed to feel violated. This is your fault. This is what you get for being nice and quiet and polite. Open your eyes can't you see your whole life you've been bit at the back, knees bent, head held slack, silence intact, Silented act. Violence a gift, Press it against your soul, this assault is gold.

Not spoken about enough to be spoken out loud. But you are not the only one. I too have danced with my demons, played with my devils, set all of it into a kettle and watched the culdren burn as the sickening smell of rape and the taste of my own death consumed the room whole. I'm used to being devoured like lunch. When rape is a dish best served cold. I'll be glad to ask for seconds. Because this is normal for girls like me. This is ok. So go ahead and feed me my own recipe of rape.