First Love

I read the poem twelve years back but its last two lines are still echoing in my heart.

Joseph - compare Yeats: First Love THOUGH nurtured like the sailing moon In beauty's murderous brood, She walked awhile and blushed awhile And on my pathway stood Until I thought her body bore A heart of flesh and blood. But since I laid a hand thereon And found a heart of stone I have attempted many things And not a thing is done, For every hand is lunatic That travels on the moon. She smiled and that transfigured me And left me but a lout, Maundering here, and maundering there, Emptier of thought Than the heavenly circuit of its stars When the moon sails out. One difference is that the technique and the thought/feeling are not out of sync in Yeats' poem. You have to realise that a poem may be flawed technically, and those flaws subtract from its intention.

WOW - ZAP - Zing - WAM - BAM - OOPS - what more describes first love.

This is not the best of Clare – there is a fair amount of “fiddling the books” to achieve scansion and rhyme: “her face it bloomed”, “stole my heart away complete”, pale as deadly pale”. “eyesight quite away” – take away the underlined words and you have a more vigorous poetry - but the last verse is free of these – one feels the poetic passion more aroused – you then begin to believe more in the poem. You could almost do without the first two verses, though “And when she looked, what could I ail? /My life and all seemed turned to clay.” is good – though “were” instead of “seemed” would be allowable. Also: “sweet” in each of the first two lines” is too sweet! And how, in fact, did his beloved’s face “bloom”? The poem creaks a little in pursuit of its form, and thus suspends the reader between belief and disbelief in the narrative. The full stop at the end of the fifth line is wrong.

haven if i haven't read john's poem first i wouldn't know that is base from somebody's poem...i tell you what yours is an expression of somebody who truly experienced it... i admire you for that...inovation ha!

She seemed to hear my silent voice, Not love's appeals to know. I never saw so sweet a face As that I stood before. My heart has left its dwelling-place And can return no more......beautiful poem penned on the deep feelings of first love

Beautiful love poem elegantly crafted from the heart. Lovely and very passionate. Thanks for sharing.

beautiful dear John! ! 10+++

She seemed to hear my silent voice, Not love's appeals to know. I never saw so sweet a face As that I stood before.../// beautiful poem penned and shared

very nice and touching