Forever Lonely Poem by Boston Kelley

Tears well up inside my eyes,
but I hold them back.
Heart-wrenching sobs I try to stifle,
but my throat fights back uncontrollably.
Never-ending wails and groans I want to release,
but I bury them.
Every fiber of my being wishes to mourn,
sadness is all I know.
I imagine myself on the ground,
curled up into a ball,
crying tears that I never have before.
I do not desire to move,
as if I have lost my will to do so.
I like a fighter who has no energy left
to the point that he doesn't want to fight.
Oh, only if I could cease to exist!
What purpose do I have being here?
Rejection accompanies me day after day,
I am the crippled, eye-offending lamb
of a flock.
I want to throw myself into a bottomless pit,
to fall forever.
What could be better than that?
If I lose my relationship, what do I have left?
What woman would desire to have me?
I am not the 'ideal choice' for a lady
since I seem to be their very last.
What about me could be so unattractive?
How could I turn someone away without so much
as a word?
Is it my face?
Is it my shyness?
Is it my intelligence?
Is it my faith?
What could it be? Tell me, please!
If I lose her, I push away all women,
for no one would want me anyway.
I have to vow to remain unmarried
because I am not a desirable husband.
Oh, how the tears grow so strong!
I shake and tremble as I try to contain them!
So badly I want to shout and scream,
but I can't.
I want to cry and wail forever,
but that cannot happen.
I have become sadness itself,
it has found a suitable host in me.
Who else could empathize with me?
Is there anyone who knows rejection as well as I do?
There isn't.
I am all alone in this.