Forgive Me Poem by Shalom Freedman

FORGIVE ME

Forgive me for blaming You
For all the sufferings of the innocent
Forgive me for blaming You
For not keeping Your promises
Forgive me for wondering how You Who are supposedly Good
Created this mess of a world
Forgive me for thinking You really do not care about us
About me about anyone
Forgive me for wondering why You told us one story about it all
And let us discover another story is true
Forgive me for not trusting You
Forgive me for all my doubts and failings and faults and sins
Forgive me for not standing always and only for You
Forgive me for loving Your people more than I love you
And for loving my family more than I love You
And for caring and worrying about certain individual human beings
More than I care for You
Forgive me for not loving You with that absolute lover's love
That misses You and longs for You always
Forgive me for trying to use You for my own small ends and hopes
For the lives of those people I love
Forgive me for not knowing You mystically
And not knowing my own nothingness
Before Your Being Everything and Nothing at once
Forgive me for not understanding Your being in everything
And for not believing that there is any contradiction- free way of explaining and understanding and defending You
Forgive me for not feeling that somehow all that will be in the future
Will make up for all that has been in the past
Forgive me for blaming You for breaking promises You never made
And for distorting Who You Are into what I want you to be
Forgive me for asking forgiveness
When I know I am not worthy of forgiveness
And for asking for and relying on Your Mercy
When You are You and will be You
When I am forever not
Forgive me for hoping and praying
That You will somehow save all I love
Though You have not promised to
Forgive me for hoping and praying to You still
When so much of what I think and feel
Is not alright with Your world
Forgive me for needing You still and always
And praying that this writing will not be weighed against me
Forgive me for needing You now and always
Even as I doubt and question You now.