I know you just want me to speak from my heart
But I am scared what I want most, cannot happen for me
What I dream about and long for every day
Is someone to truly see me and love me
And for me to feel accepted and safe as I am
I want what seems normal, a given for everyone else
But I don't seem to be able to reach it
In my desperation for closeness I have only hurt myself
I just want to connect with someone in the real world
To not be scared of them, or feel the need to pull away
But I think it cannot happen for me
Because I cannot change the feelings I feel
But if I try and show my deep insecurities or fears
People cannot understand and they then don't want to stay
I just want someone to look into my eyes
And say they love me just as I am
And I can't do anything that will change how they feel
They will stay by my side come what may
And when I inevitably cannot quite believe it
They will show me just by actions, not needing words
I cannot see a way to this dream of mine
And I feel as if this survival is all I am capable of
I don't want to continue on this way
I smile because I don't know what else to do
For I cannot freely shed tears to express the hurt
It's as if a deep sadness and emptiness overwhelms
I just am so tired of being like this
I feel so alone, so sad, so hopeless
I want you to save me, to rescue me from my hell
But I know it doesn't work that way
You can only help me find my own path through
But I just want to find a real life you
To love me and want to care for me and make me feel safe
But this is my heart's desire and it troubles my head
For I don't know if to even wish for that is OK
So I sit here now at a loss for what to say
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem