From A Lonely Heart Poem by Katie Anon

I know you just want me to speak from my heart

But I am scared what I want most, cannot happen for me

What I dream about and long for every day

Is someone to truly see me and love me

And for me to feel accepted and safe as I am

I want what seems normal, a given for everyone else

But I don't seem to be able to reach it

In my desperation for closeness I have only hurt myself

I just want to connect with someone in the real world

To not be scared of them, or feel the need to pull away

But I think it cannot happen for me

Because I cannot change the feelings I feel

But if I try and show my deep insecurities or fears

People cannot understand and they then don't want to stay

I just want someone to look into my eyes

And say they love me just as I am

And I can't do anything that will change how they feel

They will stay by my side come what may

And when I inevitably cannot quite believe it

They will show me just by actions, not needing words

I cannot see a way to this dream of mine

And I feel as if this survival is all I am capable of

I don't want to continue on this way

I smile because I don't know what else to do

For I cannot freely shed tears to express the hurt

It's as if a deep sadness and emptiness overwhelms

I just am so tired of being like this

I feel so alone, so sad, so hopeless

I want you to save me, to rescue me from my hell

But I know it doesn't work that way

You can only help me find my own path through

But I just want to find a real life you

To love me and want to care for me and make me feel safe

But this is my heart's desire and it troubles my head

For I don't know if to even wish for that is OK

So I sit here now at a loss for what to say