Hallucinating(My Lover's Guest) Poem by Katerina Val

Caught in a frightened confusion
I opened my head and wounded my chest
Trapped in an early delusion
I closed my self and healed my lover's guest
The heart he had suppressed

I used this cell and broke my neck
As I bet my head before the great disaster of fires, I smiled
That sadness had smirked, sneaked out and crawled until their hats
It tickled their hearts and frightened their acts
They respected me for I had caught the laughter in a middle-act

Then I had to caress a wandering hurting cat
Her broken leg, my useful arm
I carried her in my embrace, I tore her apart
She trusted me and I did not
My lover's guest was my pure poor love

I was something like an unfair queen
To that one lover that my pain enjoyed to have seen
That one said one day to me
"you keep torturing me' this is a sin' I have to redeem"
I have to leave you, so the lover opened the door, the lover had to leave
He returned for I was holding the guest, crashing it under my feet

This is love is not yours, it's a lie, it's a truth, its something to hide
Side aside to our chests, side aside to our pains, we are players
This love belongs to dirt, to the sunburn and to shred
That love had crashed this morning our lovely bed
That love destroys, that love refused to give the relief of a fairly truthful end

That love separated the end

Then the lover turned his back to hide the tears of shame on his behalf
"I have to tell you what
I mostly hate you and I crave to tear you apart
But then, I tore your heart, and I accepted every venom of your act
You are a poisonous queen, you are an evil scene of my wildest dream"

"Coming true? " I breathe

"Crashing down to the point of the guilt" he slowly pressed his lip

He bit the angles of my face, and pulled the sidings of my hair
He screamed in inconsolable despair
"I wish that rope of truth and sin had not been there
I wish the starts and planets could have reached you when I could not care
But you, my queen, you had never been that fair"

"For you held the guest that I hold, the precious shred that is still so cold! "
I yelled to him in frozen thought
"I feel so immobilized by that lover's sword' I hate looking at your face and seeing the pain I have thrown away
I hate having to face it all again' from the start to the very end
I hate this guest' I hate the love you have suppressed"

"But your heart is a fair guest inside my mind a brained act, a prepared start
You can hate me as much as I despise your sad
For you copied all my pain and love
And then you broke it, threw it, tore it apart! "

Killing each other was our final act

Now we haunt this poem, searching for the guest of love

Have you seen anywhere my heart?
Maybe you are wearing it right now
Its not yours' it's a ghost
The feeling you have still leaves you and breeds you alone
For you are a ghost' your lover's guest has bred a ghost
Oh love, what a confusing point you hold!