Heavens Doors Are Closed Poem by Nom Nom Nom

I can't feel anything when I'm alone
I wish I was the Amanda you have always known
The girl who's never crying
The girl who isn't ready for all this dying
All the tears
start to smear
on my face
I know I'm a disgrace
but I can't believe it just yet
because in the morning I act like I forget
but I dont because everything you say
stays with me until it kills me one day
and when you love someone
the pain shouldn't deepen
and you should know you have three children
including me
just open your eyes and see.

I try to be as normal as I can
wishing I can go back to how it began
where I never had to pick up and pack
but now we are under this attack
it isn't how it's meant to be
I am supposed to always be free
But now I am laying in the grass
watching the clouds pass
in the sky
trying to forget every lie
Its soo peaceful
nice and special
with me and my baby
this home isn't fancy
I really want to move
everyone already approves
this place is making me sick
if there were such a thing as magic
I would wish myself out
before my dad begins to burn - out
I want it to be happy-go-lucky-life again
maybe back to when I was like ten?
Then all there wont be a mess,
we could live like I was a princess
that everybody I meet
thinks I am sweet
that they're hearts have a spot open
that I've gave them another option
I want to save someone
and I dont want their pain to deepen

Love is useless
some people die of lonelyness
and some should smoke less
because the smoke is making me choke
which can cause a stroke
and I could die
and I wouldn't have enough time to say goodbye <3

Baby listen carefully
you helped me clearly
you saved me from myself
you told me to believe in oneself,
I was half dead when you came by
you told me truths can dress up as lies
you told me what I was looking for is nearby
you told me up in the sky
God crys
when he sees me down here begging to die
I told her that she was wrong
I dont know where I belong
I know where God is
and I failed the death quiz
I don't want to end up in a mental hospital
I have been careful

you're wrong this time
I have finished this climb
up to heaven
but then the beautiful sun
rised and I noticed I wasnt ready
but God said he could see me barely
meaning I'm not leaving any time soon
that in every cartoon
its a happy ending
I'm taking this blessing
and not using it for me
just wait you will soon see
that as long as I am here
I'm going to be nice and clear
I'm not going to turn invisiable anymore
and I'm not going to close any more doors
and it's all because of those nine words
stay here until you can't hear the beautiful birds

~ Nom ~