I Can't End It Poem by John Doe

Again I'm filled with an immeasurable amount of pain. Pain that I try to numb with porn. I hate numbing myself, it sickens me. Every time I go to porn I feel like I'm raping myself. I feel violated. But the alternative is feeling, and wanting to die. And the worst part is, is I don't really want to die, so I'm stuck feeling this immeasurable amount of pain. And the cycle never ends. It never goes away, I'll never get rid of it, and I'll never understand what it's like not to feel it.