kgomotso mabotja

I Cried! !

I cried like a wounded bird whose wing was clipped off
I howled like a fragile beast trapped beneath the stones
I wailed like a fragile new born baby
I cried because I am naked, vulnerable, exposed and on the verge of a breakdown.
Whatever I said or did, I cant undo the damage
Whatever was said or done to me I cant shake loose, the effect has stayed on denting my out look on life

What tore me apart was the knowledge that not only was I a victim but an assailant
It is useless to build a house on a cracked foundation.
My cracks are evident for all to see
Yet they don’t notice them due to their cracks that they are trying to conceal
Underneath the disguise of a confident smile, from the pit of my stomach I scream HELP me
I cannot take this anymore
If you look closer at my eyes you would see the pain for it has been said that the eyes are the windows to the soul

I have pretended for far to long, that the act has become a norm. my reality! !
I have lied to myself, deceived myself
I have convinced myself so much, that I have become numb to the pain
The pretence kept me sane and sort of gave me a reason to see another day

The truth I cannot handle
The truth I don’t want to handle
The truth I want to run away from
The truth is my enemy
The truth I hate
When the lights are turned off and curtains are drawn
I still smile

I cannot reveal my true persona
I have lost me somewhere along the way
I have mastered the deception
Through my smile and delightful laugh
I have managed to bury my soul
I have no life within me
I look forward to tomorrow because I know I wont feel it
I have killed ME and it was in self-defence
My world is not kind and weak souls wont survivor
I had to die to be strong and numb
Its all pretence.
I have died to live and see another day; unbroken, unhurt, untouched! ! ! ! ! ! !

Poem Submitted: Thursday, January 14, 2010
Poem Edited: Thursday, January 14, 2010

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