I Don’t Understand Poem by Emily Dean

I don’t understand,
My life,
My needs,
But you act like it’s you that hurting,
When it’s really me,
Tell your mum,
Let it out,
Why do i felt like i need to constantly shout?
Because she don’t care,
She loves you its true,
That’s’ right but for me? No only you,
You see I’m scared,
Scared that I’ve ever been,
Keeping this from her,
Is hard to say the least,
My life,
My dreams,
She won’t understand,
Doesn’t get my needs,
Isn’t there to hold my hand,
No to tell her is wrong they say,
Keep this secret deep inside,
It’s there for another day,
I lie,
I portend,
I cry,
Can’t you see?
That maybe telling someone is wrong for me,
You see it’s hard,
To get the words out of my head,
Feel like if i say it,
I’ll just be shot dead,
2 words,
1 phrase,
Always used but still,
Need the courage,
Fate,
But most importantly the will,
The scars may fade,
Maybe this will to,
I don’t want to have to say it,
And that much is true,
Because what if she acts like she never even cared,
Or she’s just stood there screaming,
While i run because i am scared,
So i sit and i cry till that hell on earth day,
Mum I’m gay,
That’s what they want me to say,
But I’m not ready,
Leave me alone you see,
Because what if she didn’t want to except me,
My mum,
My rock,
The one who should be there,
But if she goes i act like i don’t care,
The disease,
Problem,
Solution,
This thing,
Sit and i wait for the timer to ping,
For my time to run out and this hell on earth day,
The day i tell the truth,
Mum I’m gay,
But then she goes just poof,
You see it’s harder than it looks,
When you keep it up inside,
But i need to face up,
I don’t want to hide,
Maybe when i get a girl,
She will see that it’s true,
That i love her,
But i more importantly love you,
She might blame herself,
It’s my fault because you see,
I was born this way,
This is me,
I’m here and I’m me and I’m not looking back,
Maybe this will stop and the hurt and I’m on a track,
No more pain and hurt and the lies,
Maybe she will be okay and take me by surprise,
But i can’t risk it,
Its hurts so true,
Might think I’m not that girl,
That she gave birth to,
Not your little girl no more,
But I’m just the same,
Keeping this from you,
Stops all the pain,
Maybe,
Maybe,
You will be fine,
Maybe,
You can still be mine,
My mum,
My rock,
The one who should be there,
But the one who might act like she didn’t care,
Now don’t push me,
I can do it just give me time,
To come up with the saying,
Come up with the line,
Maybe I’ll give her this,
Maybe this will do,
Maybe my mum will be there for me too,
Just keep smiling,
And the tears all in,
For that hell on earth day,
When maybe,
Maybe,
I will win.