I Don't Feel Like Trying Poem by Chloe Lubinska

How will I know? Will I see you again?
These questions keep me up at night Cause I don't know the answer.
I'm tired of being happy, I'm exhausted trying to cope.
I want to sleep forever, and dream of some small hope.
I don't have love to give, cause I feel you erased
And I'm tired of playing laughter, like a broken record that's been taped.
I try to smile as they speak, but I don't do a good job,
I am grumpy, anxious, and withdrawn,
But still I try to keep pace.
They say things get better with time, and one day I'll let go.
But that isn't something I want, when you were all I'd known
I personify the inanimate like a sad pathetic case, like somehow they'll provide me comfort that could never take your place.
I embrace the sunlight touching my face and convince myself it's you, but it's nothing like your smile, your hugs, or even love too.
You lie in the ground now, I feel abandoned and you're to blame, I know that's not fair, but anger's easier than being lost in pain.
How do I cope with you gone? ? Because it hurts so much this change, my hope died with you, and now you're just another dream that slowly fades away.