I Don't Know How To Leave Poem by Bulent Ontas

I've always taken small steps in life.
Slow steps
I walked calmly from one place to another.
Not because I didn't want to go where I was going.
To stay close to where I came from.
To stay in touch with my experiences

Sometimes I even stood there out of spite.
Not to leave the beautiful
If I can
If I can afford it
I mean, if I have the strength to stop.
Especially if he wants to stay.
I just stood there.
I didn't go, I couldn't go.

I just stood there and thought.
And I came to a decision, a conclusion.
The truth of the matter is
I don't know how to leave.
I don't know how to leave.

When I was a kid, if I went two blocks away from the neighborhood.
My mother's voice would ring in my ears
You'll get lost
So you don't leave
I want to go back to our street.
And I would come right back to our house.
I wouldn't go, I couldn't go.
I'd go somewhere else
I couldn't go beyond.

Even in love, my eyes searched for the closest
If I were to love, he would be by my side
Right next to me, at the foot of my bed
A breath away
I searched for love at a cheek's distance
Close enough to touch if I put my finger out.
I couldn't leave even though I loved
I'm scared.
You can't leave if you love
If you leave, you can't come back.

Bülent ÖNTAŞ
20.05.2020