I Loved The Monster In You Poem by Cole Lee

Before you touched my hand,
I thought I was whole.
I wore my loneliness like a crown
and called it perfection.

But you—
you opened a door I never knew existed,
and light spilled into places
I never dared to feel.

Love felt like heaven in the right hands.
In yours, it felt dangerous and beautiful,
a fire I worshipped
even as it burned me.

I loved you with every bone in my heart.
I loved you until it ached.
I loved you until I forgot
how to breathe without your name.

But love changes shape.
Sometimes into a home.
Sometimes into a wound.
Sometimes into a monster
wearing the face I adored.

You taught me hope,
then handed me sorrow.
You taught me truth,
then fed me lies.
And I—
I believed every one.

Now my love is a river that won't move,
stagnant,
still,
painfully alive.

I don't know who I loved anymore.
But I know what I loved:
the dream of you.
The ghost of you.
The monster in you.

And even now,
with the ruins of us scattered at my feet,
some stubborn part of my heart whispers—
"I love you."

Not because you deserve it,
but because I don't know
how to stop.