I'M Not Free - Poem by Roselyn Edwards
I am free, to do as I please,
No word of man, no government office,
No moral law, no God set plan,
That's right, no rules to leave me nauseous!
I can go about, do as I please;
I can do what I want; I can plan my own dreams,
Because life is a breeze,
Not even chains can entrap me in their schemes.
Not long I'm out, and about,
Doing this, doing that,
Always linger to chat,
At my leisure, just for my own pleasure.
But just when it doesn't get any better,
I seemed to be pulled, I seemed to be tugged,
To do what I hate, not what I loved,
I can't stop, It's like I've been drugged.
Oh now I've done it! Now I've done it!
I've brought her to tears,
I lost it, my temper, no way to remit,
Now I'll be suffering for years.
But I can still do as I want? and do as I please?
Loving life, partying, living for me,
No worries no cares, now seriously, don't tease;
I am free, but I'm pushed and shoved like a interviewee.
Woke up again, determined I'd not harm,
But no more that I said, I went straight on ahead,
Pulled out narcotics,
Swallowed, like some sort of robotics.
All these habits, these habits
They haunt me like I'm a terrible disease;
I try to stop, really, I must!
But they bring me to my knees;
Oh why do I do them? They're really not just.
Day after day, I return to these wonts
Like a drunk to his whiskey,
Like a dog to his vomit, no matter if I promise I won't;
I do again and again, even though it be risky.
But still, I am free, free as a bird?
Freer than wind, freer than free?
But I do not what I want, that seems absurd!
I am free to the core, free to the will,
This body won't listen still.
So if I am free, why I am subject to will.
Because I'm a slave, a slave to my own leisure,
A slave to my own pleasure,
Working so hard to please myself,
That's when all freedom is left on the shelf.
I looked hard searched for the answer,
Finding the truth, and now its spreading like cancer;
I'm a slave to me, just a slave to sin,
I can't do what I want, or as I please;
All I do is for me, following my heart like it's some sort of disease
A slave to sin, oh how it's taken me over,
Under it's rule, calling me in, like in a game of Red Rover.
So while I am free, yet I am a bound?
I do the things I don't want, and don't do the things I do
It's tyranny, just beats me to the ground;
It's like I'm subject to a rule so much greater than me;
A rule so much greater than what you see.
So no, I am not subject to you,
No, I am not subject to law,
I am not ruled through and through;
Or am I? Just subject to flaw,
Subject to sin, Subject to me,
How can it be? That I'm really not free.
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