I Provoked You! Poem by Wings Lost

That's what they say when they hear me talk
About my past and you
That I must not complain ‘cause I provoked you….

So yes I understand what went wrong
That threw my world upside down
And I descended into the dark waters-
That place where I'm stuck now……

I was waiting for my bus when you came along
And offered a ride on your bike to school…
But I said no…that daddy would kill me if he knows
You looked sad and let down but said that it's ok and left…
I felt bad for you; you just wanted to help me after all…
But I didn't know I was provoking you!

You gave me notes
When I was punished for turning up without mine
But I said no…that it's cheating and I don't mind standing out alone…
You said that I'm being a fool and left
I wondered what angered you…what wrong did I do?
Oh yes! I was provoking you!

We all were bored when our teacher was away
You said we should bunk
But I said no…a vise-prefect can't bunk!
You glared at my golden badge I was pointing at with pride…
But you laughed as if I was silly and maybe I was
Cause I was provoking you…

You said that you love me a whole year later…
But I said no…I'm sorry I'm not allowed to be in relationship;
I was just thirteen and studies were my priority…
I again felt bad for you and was guilty to let you down…
You disappeared for days together and I worried like hell
But you turned up later and I was happy to see you back…
You said you were on study leave
I believed you…after all the seniors like you had so much to do…
I didn't know you were planning and plotting with your friends
As I was provoking you…

I saw you approaching the prefects' room with your friends
And I said no…that you are not allowed inside and it's against the school rules;
But you came in anyways again glaring at my badge…
I saw you this way for the first time and I was scared.
Your friends were smirking and I felt weird…
I wanted to leave but they were blocking the door
I wanted to scream but I couldn't find my voice…
I felt trapped and started to cry…
But my tears provoked you instead!

You had me pinned to the wall
And your lips were pressing against mine
I kept pushing you all the time
But you were too strong to budge…
I could feel your hands all over me
And my tears were burning into my skin
I could hear my muffled voice but your friends were laughing louder
I closed my eyes tight when I felt my uniform was being pulled at
I was too naive to know what you wanted from me
But you had your way at the end
The pain was unbearable and I thought I would die
Instead I was left there alone and alive
Was that a punishment for provoking you?

‘cause that's what they say
That I was provoking you all that time…






Tag: Rape, sexual abuse