I Think I'm Still In Love With You. Poem by Jessica Farrier

I think I'm still in Love with you.
I ask myself how could this be?
How could I possibly still be in love with you?
After all the pain you caused me. That pain so bad it takes your breath away, makes you physical hurt.
After all these years of blocking you out. The memories out. The thoughts of you out.
Because I had to try and save myself, my mind, my heart, my soul.
Because the memories and thought of you was unbearable.
They would have killed me if I hadn't.
That pain I turned into anger and hate so long ago.
I had to hate you, right? If I hated you then I wouldn't hate myself.
You see I didn't just give you my virginity. No it was much more than that.
I gave you all of me! My heart, my soul, My mind, my everything.
Only to have you kill me. Why?
What did I do wrong? What did she have that I didn't? Why wasn't I good enough? Why am I so forgettable?
So you see blocking you out and trying to hate you was the only thing I could do.
Block the memories of how you would make me smile and laugh, By just looking at me.
Block out the way your skin felt on mine. The explosion that went off every time you entered me, And my breath left me.
Block out that every time you kissed or touched me gave me butterflies that went to the core.
Block out that when I was in your arms invincible. Like I was safe from the ugly and cruel world that was around u.
Block out that when I looked in your eyes you looked back with a hunger that would leave me weak.
Block out the bite Mark's you'd leave all over my body was pure ecstasy!
Block out how every time we were apart I felt like I was going to die until I was near you again.
So how could this really be? After all the pain. And all the hate, even the hate for myself.
After all that. And all these years. Realized that I didn't really hate you. In fact..
I'm still in love with you.