I Want To Be Someone Poem by Lr Bryan

I want to be someone
I want to be something
And I don't mean the salesperson on your doorstep
That you unfortunately say no to
Or the lawyer that may not believe their clients innocent
Or even the teacher who's payed less to work more

I want to be someone
Be something that helps someone else
Without having to worry about whether I'm making the right choice

When I was younger
I said I wanted to help people
Then I said I'd help the animals
Now. Now, I can't even help myself

I feel detached
Like I don't truly exist
Except I know I do
I can see my reflection in the mirror
I can feel the water against my skin in the shower
I can smell the food that my neighbors grill
Yet I don't feel like me.
I feel like I'm a body just running around without any real purpose
Any real agenda

And I feel like no matter how detached or lost I get
Life just keeps on playing without even asking whether you're there to watch

My life is like a series
I've found plays out during 'episodes'
I found this out years ago
when I woke up one morning and I felt okay to shower
To clean
I didn't feel bad to eat
I felt like me
I felt like for once I was in control and existing as me

But then soon after
That clarity and insight
it vanishes and I feel as if I'm watching a clone of myself

Over the years I've come to recognize when I've been in an 'episode'
I remember having no will or strength to get out of bed
All my texts go read but unanswered
My kitchen is filled with snacks but no actual meals
My curtains are drawn closed
And there's a basket of clean clothes
that I've lived out of to the point they need rewashed again.

And lately it feels as if I'm going on a binge
Just episode after episode
Never stopping for a second to revisit the real world

I wanted to be someone
But now I'm stuck in an episode that keeps dragging
And every time I think maybe this episode should end
I find another villain I can't seem to beat

It's been so long
I'm beginning to think its time I let the producers know
This series needs an ending.
Or maybe I'll just make my own
Wouldn't that be a plot twist

I wanted to be something
Now I'll be the one who cuts their series short.

Huh, The End, I guess.