I Was Always Rotten - Poem by Kimmy Hesser
Is it stretching it
to assume you think of me when you hear this song?
You used to say I needed to de-pathologize.
How do you feel now?
I remember being too close
to the seashells stuck in the pavement.
Someone suggested we buy absinthe
and we pretended like it was a potion
from Harry Potter.
I told my life story to a boy,
a new one.
Funny how small talk always turns into this.
I bet I do it on purpose.
Apparently I have a drinking problem.
I don’t even remember what changed.
but not together.
it looked like he was trying
to pull my teeth out
with his tongue.
And it made you sad.
And you hit your head.
That’s when I lost you.
Not like last time. Last time you came back.
Last time the boys found you walking around the sand dunes.
up around your neck.
Only you could play that off like a fashion statement.
They brought you back to the house
and I wouldn’t let them help get you inside.
You were dry heaving between giggles.
I was shaking bread in your face
and the boys were crawling into our bed to “help.”
I wanted a cigarette, but I couldn’t leave you alone with them.
No, I really lost you this time.
Don’t do this.
How does someone as beautiful as you
just like everybody else?
And for the first time
we’re not us anymore.
And you’re screaming.
Oh god, don’t do this
I make you sick.
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