If I Could I'D Tell You Poem by CEO CEO

You come in and I say “Good morning, Welcome to Dunkin Donuts”
But is the morning really good? No, it’s dark and cold
Am I feeling particularly welcoming? No, I hate you.
But this is what I say
Because this is who I am supposed to be.
Your order-taking, donut choosing robot
Who must move his limbs in the right places at the right times
In order to keep our service rate consistently about 80%
But Oh my God, If only I could speak
If only my thoughts and words were not strangled by the loop of my headset
If I could I’d tell you

If I could I’d tell you
That I like making your coffee about as much as I like the Twilight Saga
Which, unless I’m really drunk, is very little
If I could I’d tell you that I’m a political science major, not a to-go specialist
That this is just a summer job
And I should be running the nation but the only time I get to see the White House
Is when you hand me a 20-dollar-bill backwards

If I could I’d tell you
That I am, in fact, a person
And sometimes, it’s nice to make human conversation, small talk
Maybe one day you won’t ask me if we’re out of sausage
And you’ll ask me how my day is going

If I could I’d tell you
That I know they scream in pink and orange on my apron
But my initials are not DD
They are CEO
Standing for Carl Eric Olson
And indicative of what I can be
An owner
A success
Anything I want to be
I am so much more than your bagel toaster

And if I could I’d tell you
That I wish you could see that
If you take off my hat
Get rid of this headset
And remove this grease-stained apron
You’d see that I look a lot like you
I’d look like a person
Not a service
Not a slave
But a person