If I Could Teach You Without Learning Poem by chris schwartz

Bet you didn't think I was special to you.
When the money's coming in,
You don't need nothing to do.
But that's not the way I feel
Thought I was special to you.
I'm crawling on the freeway.
But you don't give a damn,
Anyway.
It's all about you, these days
Of worry.
Sitting in
The passenger side
You think I'm out
For another joy ride
But I check my phone
For a good morning
That never comes my way.

I raised you to stay
I raised you to shine
Didn't think you'd cave
At the very first sign
That I called you out
And told you to grow up,
Now I'm the hurting child
Inside.
Once again.

Love and pain
They both
Run deep.
The message you've given me
Is heavy.
Are you ready?
Cause time's running short
For me to hold onto
My child that I love.
Can't stay with you forever
Lessons are learned in passing
And the grief from the silent
Is buried forever
In a tomb of silence
That can never be opened
Once closed.
Wish you would say
"Good morning, Mommy, "
But then again,
I know,
You're trying to make it
On your own.
Just so you know,
I still struggle here, too
I still feel the loss,
From learning how to be me,
And teaching you,
To be you.
You never once left
My dreams, baby girl,
You are all that I hoped for
And all that I was
A small line on the ruler
In your life,
Just because
I was your mom.