I'm Not Sorry Poem by Terrica Richards

In my own head there is a picture of you and I being happy and loving. The way a father and daughter should be, in that picture we share laughs and hugs. This brings us both joy. There is no bad blood between us there, just love. This picture is an eluded concept of what will never be. I will bury it deep in my mind so it may never resurface. Our reality hits hard for we
will never be anything but enemies, you're stubborn and I'm just as stubborn and that is a recipe for disaster. I was willing to love you but you aren't. It is funny you dislike me and I dislike you more and yet somehow we are more alike in more ways than the rest. How is that for irony? I can't find the will nor will I ever find it; to pick up the phone and call you. It's easier hating you as I'm sure it's for you as well. I honestly believe you didn't want me and in a sick sense I understand it's not right but I understand. I resent you so much for being a weak person in the sense of you failing me. I hate the fact that I share your blood and your name. I wish I could trade it for anything less of value. Sadly I'm stuck with you and your failed legacy. I wish I could go inside my mind and erase you so there is no memory left even though there is not much there all the same. The others think you're this great thing that ever happened to them but you're a fucking nightmare and even after you're gone you miserable asshole you'll still be a fucking nightmare. I wanted no I needed you but your selfish being couldn't be there. I think I hate you the most for that and I think you hate me because you know I hate you more. I thank you though for never burdening me to make you proud. I had nothing to prove to you I had no expectations to live up too. You suck you fucking suck dam bastard you had one job just one job and you didn't even try, well for me anyways you tried for the other. I'm sorry you're dying but at the same time I don't feel sorry for you. I don't wish it upon you but I still don't feel sorry for you. I think I want you to know I will never miss you when you're gone and I will never attend your funeral. I think you would respect that. Whenever you take your last breath I want you to remember I never said goodbye nor did I forgive you. Love is so easy to give and forgiveness is easier but you don't deserve such kindness. You never loved me and I will never love you and if the day comes when I do find love for you I will see to it that it never grows. I wish I was not your daughter and you weren't my father. We are two people who had no business sharing something as important as blood. Stay in your misery and I'll stay in mine may forgiveness perish with you.


Terrica Richards