'I'm Thinking Of Holly' Poem by Marty McKenna

i'm thinking of holly,
her unpublished dreams;
her death so silent that night,

did he wake to her corpse?

i'm frightened my lungs would
give out; i'll go gently, cold and listless,

‘haunted by the ghost of your kisses'. ~ kae tempest

though i've had good practice
we only get to die once.

my anxiety
jumps like a close-up
and all the world seems
far too intense.

carving my life up; trickling away.
the focal shooting arena
starts with me smiling
and agreeing with everything.

i keep getting flashbacks
to episodes and stills
of my time there. how
a name made me feel,

how they flash so far and so hard
into now, have me stop and glare
into the space between sight,
blank space, a blind spot,
a sky redacted.

first published in 'squawk back'
appeared in the chapbook 'silent stigma, loud leaf'