Jealous Vex Poem by Ced Kalish

I write, I sing, this in lyrics, not prose,
To properly exhibit my esoteric heart necrosed.
I weep, I flex to be the better man,
No one, only God and I could understand.

Heart's pulling me to the grave;
Mind to the heavens.
Torn in this purgatory, choices depraved.
Though I pick the sensation, until dignity revens.

Irrational, sciolists of my mind say.
Yet I still dig my grave each day.
In every laugh, smile, mask I portray.
I let it be, for its depth I display.

I can't express the absolute necessity to stab myself.
In front, for a show, a fabulous, spectactical, circus of a show.
Because I accept — I am the clown, dishonored like pelf.
Whatever to do to live, I die, I feel, I reap what I sow.

I drink, in hopes to get the other drunk.
I crave to stumble, hoping to see them sink.
Yet in this oddity, I find some bliss.
No other course, in my abyss.