Knight Errant Poem by Mary Champion

Like days of old,
when knights were bold,
and damsels all were in distress,
Sir Lunchalot, a chavvy knight,
would ride astride
his mount Black Bess.
He searched around
until he found
a persecuted maiden fair.
Thought he'd impress
a grand princess
imprisoned in a dragon's lair.

The dragon, breathing fire and smoke,
thought Lunchalot a feeble joke.
'Be off he roared
you can't afford
to mess with me or you'll be fried.
Your low grade lance
has not a chance
against my tough and armoured hide. '

But Lunchalot, though thick was brave
and quite determined he would save
the fair young maid
and make the grade
to claim a place in Camelot.
He drew his sword
and quickly scored
a bull's eye through a vital spot.

Oh bless the day,
the dragon lay-
a lifeless hulk upon the land.
The Chavvy knight
grinned with delight
and went to claim the lady's hand.

But sad to tell,
it went not well.
The lady she was far from pleased.
'My heart is broke,
you beastly bloke.
My lovely dragon is deceased.

I did not need
you or your steed
to free me from a dragon's clutch.
I chose him for
his sexy roar,
and cos I loved him very much.

You stupid knight!
Why must you fight?
Have you got nothing else to do?
How I shall miss
his burning kiss.
I won't accept a prat like you.'

Sir Lunchalot
had lost the plot
for Women's Lib had passed him by.
Maids in distress
sort their own mess.
They don't just sit around and cry.

The maiden fair
stayed in the lair
That Lunchalot had so defiled.
No more a wife,
her future life
she gave to raise her dragon child.

Sir Lunchalot
had learned a lot.
The chastened knight at last could see,
that feisty girls
have changed the world
and there's no place for chivalry.

(Which has its downside.)